How to eat an entire plate of cookies in a single sitting AKA Conversations with my mother

Parents are a beautiful thing. Even more beautiful is when you're old enough to move out and no longer have to sit through long conversations with them of no particular importance. Enter... the obligatory weekly phone call. I often try to use our chats as a time to do something else constructive. This week I baked while we talked.



Don't get me wrong, my mother is an amazingly sweet person and in all honesty I probably exhibit some of the very qualities that drive me nuts about her. My mother's phone calls, however, are not her best quality. Anyone will tell you this. In fact, they are problematic for several reasons.


#1 Potential Hearing Loss. Not only is she loud, but also high-pitched like tornado or tsunami warnings.

Mother: HI LOVIE. HOW ARE YOU?!

Me (frantically thumbing the volume button): I'm good. Mom, can you talk a little softer?

Mother: THERE, IS THAT BETTER?

Me: Nevermind.




#2 Flipping the Script. Things I don't think I never said but may did or maybe didn't.

Mother: DO YOU WANT ME TO SEND YOU FLOUR SO YOU CAN MAKE MORE COOKIES?

Me: I have flour. Thanks, though.

Mother: DO YOU WANT MORE?

Me: No thanks, mom. I have two bags.

Mother: I'LL SEND YOU SOME.

Me: Mom, I have some and there are stores in Hawaii.

Mother: YOU DON'T LIKE COOKIES ANYMORE? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED COOKIES?



# 3 Narco-sleepy: A bi-product of boredom.

Mother (after a monologue about Janice whose son-in-law Jack convinced her to take lean against her house that she then couldn't pay back so she moved out and now the house is bank-owned and there are weeds in the front yard and blah blah blah): SO I DON'T KNOW WHERE JANICE IS BUT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD CALL HER?

Me: ...

Mother: SO, SHOULD I CALL JANICE?

Me: Who is Janice?




::Sigh::



Conversations with my mother AKA how I manage to eat an entire plate of cookies in a single sitting. Good thing I have more flour.

Do you ever find yourself in a convo trap? What happens?

P.S. Such convos always remind me of the musical RENT.